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Jan 29, — Also, most pornography torrents included the full pornographic video, We classified 15 torrents under books and guides—13 were in English, Preliminary Reflections by Boorman, Howard L. That last point is a Recovery activity. The story mentions the U. Then he slams the paper down and remarks that he is in command of two Captains, three office boys and a "damned lizard. Do you get that impression as well?
He must have been perusing the script before reading the newspaper. Now we see that country bumpkin Peterson sitting at a desk, eating a sandwich and playing with a microscope actually he seems to be cleaning it with a brush.
He looks into it and seems surprised at what he sees. Then he gets the bright idea of putting a small piece of his sandwich under the microscope. When he looks, he and we see tiny living organisms busily moving around. He then gets a look on his face like those morons on Fear Factor that have to gulp down bull testicle slurpees or something.
He drops the portion of the sandwich he was eating and quickly wraps it back up. He goes to take a drink and then thinks better of it and places the cup back on the desk. He steals another look through the microscope before letting out a belch. What was that? You were expecting more? See, this movie has an ungodly amount of padding and one of the elements the producers chose to highlight was this idiot named Peterson.
He exists for one purpose only — comic relief. The only problem is, there is nothing relieving about it. Hell, I think I need relief from this kind of comedy. Though to be fair, there is a funny bit with Peterson coming up shortly…though it is funny in a pure idiotic manner. We now fade back in to that hallway that contains the tank with an electric eel.
Peterson comes round the bend and checks the red button that sets off the fire alarm before moving on. I know what your thinking…why did the film fade out if it was just going to fade back in to Peterson?
Anyway, Peterson comes down the hall and sees the eel tank. He looks around to make sure that no one can see him. Then he slowly lowers his hand into the water. Now…can electric eels zap you if you are not in direct physical contact with them? Can you get jolted by just having your hand in the water near them? If you do, let me know, please. Needless to say, Peterson gets zapped by the eel.
He begins jumping around, making weird faces and strange sounds, trying to remove his hand from the tank. It looks like he is having some difficulty accomplishing that task. It's kinda funny because the dubbing is so obvious here. Here is a video that compares the same scene in the Danish and English version.
While dancing around in supposed pain, he hears a strange rumbling coming from the room where the Reptilicus tail sits in a tank. His eyes then bug out even more and his face looks like he just had a five pound ice cube shoved up his ass.
Now he has no trouble removing his hand from the tank and he quickly runs back to the button on the wall that sets off the fire alarm and pushes it. The alarm brings everyone running, including Grayson and Captain Brandt, who it looks like were outside having a smoke or something.
Everyone converges on Peterson in the hall and all he can do is wave a flashlight towards the room with the Reptilicus tail. Professor Martens looks into the room from the viewing platform but sees nothing amiss. He explains that it was just an involuntary muscle spasm or something. Peterson departs and the rest just stare at the window for a moment. Fade in. Professor Martens is at his desk and listening to a tape recording he made where he describes the tail and speculates on what the complete organism will look like.
He mentions that Dr. Dalby has requested that the nutrient flow be increased. Martens agrees to try it but remarks that if Reptilicus grows much bigger, they will have to construct a new tank to hold it. Ok hold the boat. This film has way…and I do mean WAY too many fade outs and fade ins. Each of the last few short scenes were connected this way. Fade in ugh. Grayson is at his desk when there is a knock at the door. What, was there no Beetle Bailey strip in the Copenhagen newspaper?
Why is he in such a mood? Oh, right. That would be enough to make anyone cranky. Captain Brandt enters and asks if there is anything he can do for Grayson. The General says, "yeah…get me transferred out of this damn place! Now all of a sudden we see images of Copenhagen and a Grayson voiceover is thrust upon us.
We see Grayson and Connie sporting aroun…wait a minute! Who the hell is Connie?! Where did she come from? You remember her…the gal Martens was talking to when Grayson first arrived? Anyway, we see them sporting around town in a red car, perhaps borrowed from Lise Martens. What follows next is a travelogue through the city of Copenhagen. I told you this movie had some serious padding!
Grayson and Connie point out landmarks to each other, including Langebro Bridge foreshadowing!! Connie notices how many people are on bikes and Grayson says that Brandt will be joining them later for dinner at "Tivoli" — whatever that may be. We see Grayson, Brandt and Connie walking into this Tivoli place, which seems to be some type of amusement park. There are rides, plazas, buildings of foreign design and lots of people walking about.
Night falls and the trio make their way to a restaurant called NIMB. Inside, some woman is on stage singing a song called "Tivoli Night" or something similar. Her name is Birthe Wilke and the movie credits her with playing herself.
I guess she was a popular…well at least famous name in Denmark back in the day. Grayson, Brandt and Connie are shown to a table while the singer carries on. After we get to watch her for what seems like five hours, we then get some shots of Copenhagen at night. Have you snapped yet? Even more maddening is one particular idiot amongst the audience watching Miss Wilke. This clown just cannot seem to stop looking directly at the camera!
For some reason, we now are shown the sea at night. A storm is brewing and lightning flashes across the sky accompanied by thunder. It seems the crappy model of the aquarium is in for some rain. Inside the building, Dr. Dalby is working at his desk. This guy just loves pulling all-nighters! Every few seconds he looks around, as if he thinks he has heard something. Inside the tank, the water is bubbling around the Reptilicus tail and soon we see a complete foot begin to move around.
A quick stock footage shot of a downed power line is pasted in and then the lights go out all around Dalby. He pulls out a flashlight from his desk and points it around the lab. Unbeknownst to him, there is movement in the tank. Shocked, he runs back to the lab and tries to use the phone but that same stock footage shot of the downed power line is shown again, only this time I suppose it is meant to represent downed phone lines.
Dalby cannot get the phone to work so he leans out the lab door and calls down the hall for Peterson, who is sleeping in a chair. Peterson comes quickly and Dalby instructs him to go directly to the police and to bring them back immediately. Peterson gets a glimpse of some large shadows moving about in the tank room and gets another goofy expression on his face.
Then he tears out of there in a fashion similar to cartoon characters — legs spinning madly for a split second before gaining traction and running off.
He heads outside into the storm where he hops on a bicycle and peddles away. Meanwhile Dalby has armed himself with a small revolver and headed back towards the tank room. What good does he think that peashooter will do? At the police station, the cops on duty are playing some chess when Peterson comes barreling in shouting things like "it's alive" and "it's loose!
I take it the police are accustomed to Peterson barging in there with all sorts of tall tales…like the dead coming back to life or strange plant seeds from outer space taking over the human race one person at a time or even more unbelievable, a good movie resulting from this fiasco.
A quick cutaway shows us the crappy model of the aquarium…only now, a "large" beast seems to be rising up behind it or out of it. Back to Peterson and the cops now, the dolt is trying to convince the officers to come with him, but they seem more interested in their chess game.
Peterson goes on and on about the electricity going out even the electric eel , how dark it was and a large hole left in the building. All this has little effect on the one officer, who advises Peterson to go tell all of this to Dr. Peterson explains that he cannot, because it was Dalby who sent him to fetch the police.
This finally spurs the cops into action. We see a large hole in the side of the aquarium model. Then a close up as Professor Martens picks up Dr. He is accompanied by Grayson, Connie and Lise. The Professor explains that they found no trace of the other scientist. Connie asks what happened and Martens expounds about how Reptilicus must have developed in a growth spurt. Grayson wants to know how it happened, but Martens is unsure. Martens then walks off with Connie while Captain Brandt and another soldier enter the scene.
The General announces that they now have a fight on their hands and he wants to establish a base of operations somewhere in the city.
He asks Brandt for any recommendations and the Captain suggests the barracks of the Royal Guard. It is instantly daylight, the music suddenly thunders to life and we see the building that I am assuming is the barracks of the Royal Guard. The camera zooms in on one door that bears the emblem of a crown, so I guess this must be the place. Inside a "war room" has been set up.
There are numerous guys manning radios and relaying information. A large table has a map of the area on it and several guys in military uniforms sit around it and discuss the situation I am guessing this is not a Warhammer 40k tournament. More guys look over other maps that have been hung on the walls. On the far side of the room General Grayson speaks into a phone with Svend Viltorft nearby. How the hell did Svend get clearance to be in here? So he found the original tail.
Big whoop. That is no reason for him to be ushered into the upper echelons of the command structure. Grayson gets off the phone and calls for attention. He outlines his command structure, delegating various tasks and responsibilities to the men in the room, some of who represent various branches of the Danish military while others speak for civilian authorities.
Professor Martens is assigned as scientific and technical advisor. Grayson then dismisses everyone and tells Brandt that he wants the radio manned "twenty four hours a day. Martens is the science geek in this outfit. What role is Svend playing? Sandwich boy? The phone rings and Grayson receives a report that Reptilicus has been spotted near a small farm on the coast. Sirens begin blaring and soldiers are running all over the place in a mad rush to get to their vehicles.
Out at the aforementioned farm, the farmer is out standing in his field HA! Grayson, Brandt and Svend come charging over and ask the farmer what happened. He tells them that fourteen members of his herd have been eaten. Grayson asks if he saw Reptilicus and the stunned farmer says that it was "huge" and after destroying his barn it headed off across the field. Grayson plans on having that area surrounded and then flushing the monster out.
He tells the farmer to clear out and then they all run back to the jeep. Some jeeps come racing over a hill and screech to a halt. The lead jeep has Brandt, who radios Grayson, who is off somewhere else. The General deploys them into various areas of the countryside now denoted as sectors.
That is his job. This is followed by several shots of jeeps driving down dirt roads. Then Grayson and Svend come upon an area where the trees have been flattened. He radios Grayson and informs the General where the beast is, then he and his men all jump out and get into firing positions.
They scan the area, looking for the beast. A roar coming from over a hilltop draws their attention. They turn to look and see…. After forty one minutes of this movie roughly the halfway point , we are now finally going to see the title creature in all of its glory.
The film has really built this up, with all the speculation on the part of the scientists on how big it will be and what it will look like. The description provided by the farmer as well as the smashed trees all indicate a beast of substantial size. The moving tail that vanished behind a house and was spotted by Brandt is another tease by the producers. By now, the audience is positively dying to know what the monster looks like. The sad thing is, they will soon be dying…from laughter.
Are you prepared for this? Ok, here we go. A puppet! Not one of those stick-your-hand-up-its-ass puppets, but rather, the type that is manipulated in some other fashion…strings maybe. Marionette might be a more accurate way of describing it. Regardless, the thing is about as lifelike as Al Gore on dope. Basically, Reptilicus is a giant serpent. It also possesses a pair of wings that is situated down its long slender back. To answer your question, no…the monster will not be flying in this movie…but that is only because the footage shot of it doing so was so ridiculous that the producers decided, quite wisely I might add, to cut it from the film.
Can you imagine? The mind boggles. Alas, reportedly the poor people in Denmark were subjected to these scenes in the Danish version of this film. More on that later. Reptilicus, aside from being one hundred percent asinine looking, seems to have a drooling problem. We see big gobs of saliva dripping from its mouth. Plus, the sound the monster makes is really weird. Sure, there is an elephant-like roar accompanied by a very reptilian hiss…but there is another sound. It's hard to describe. It's almost mechanical, like the sound of a large hydraulic press squishing a bell.
It should also be noted that this odd sound seems to be exclusive to the American cut of the film. The clips that I have seen of the Danish version do not feature this sound, but a more standard roaring sound. He orders everyone to fire at the beast and soon enough, the army is throwing everything they have at it.
The problem is, nothing seems to be working. Reptilicus just shrugs off the attack in the same manner that you or I would swat a few flies away. He could have done his electric eel shtick and caused Reptilicus to double over in nausea and pain. For better or for worse better!
Finally, those of you who are hoping that Reptilicus will swallow YOU whole, thus ending the excruciating pain of this movie, should swap out this DVD with The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy. That one will just kill you outright, with minimal suffering…though I cannot be held responsible for the mess left behind for your loved ones to clean up.
With all weapons blazing away and doing little good, Grayson tells Svend to be ready to get out of there in a hurry. Reptilicus, bored now with the army, crawls off. This pioneering effect is achieved by propping the puppet upright and then dragging it away from the camera in slow motion. Svend notices that the monster is heading towards the beach.
Then Grayson gets an idea. He wants to get to the beach before Reptilicus and after issuing a few orders, everyone is quickly in motion. The jeep with Grayson and Svend comes plowing down a dirt road and slides to a stop. Grayson states that they have beaten Reptilicus "down here. It looks like the exact same field they were standing in a few seconds ago. The monster cannot be seen at first but then it rears its ugly mug up from behind a farmhouse.
Inside the farmhouse a family is sitting at the table, eating a meal. The entire house begins to shake and the family looks out their window to see Reptilicus bringing down their property value.
Shoo Reptilicus away with the water hose? That may work on a pair of humping dogs, but gigantic lizards? I think not. Not one to play with its food, the monster quickly swallows the poor bastard whole. The horror of this moment is completely wiped away by the absolute cheesy method by which it was rendered for the screen. The problem is, the image of the man is a still, so in order to achieve some semblance of movement, and thus show the poor guy squirming around before being eaten, several still images are alternated in what has got to be the worst animation I have ever seen.
Seeing the farmer meet his sad end, Grayson begins getting irritable…ok…MORE irritable and wonders where the rest of the army may be. No sooner has he said that than we see tanks rolling over the fields toward his position.
A quick shot of Reptilicus shows the monster spitting some nasty green shit all over the place that looks like radioactive snot. Grayson, obviously realizing that his plan to kill the beast has failed utterly so far, finds a way to redeem himself…by personally running over to a tank, climbing on board and strapping a flame thrower to his back. As he is doing this, everyone else arrives on the scene including Professor Martens, his daughter Lise, Connie Miller who voices her concern for Grayson by quietly calling his name , Captain Brandt and the rest of the soldiers.
Then the tank with Grayson begins heading directly towards Reptilicus, trying to intercept it before it reaches the water. Grayson opens fire with his flame-thrower and scores several direct hits on the monster. These have a much different impact than earlier attacks, as the beast is quickly engulfed in flames and begins making a horrible high-pitched screeching sound, while continuing to blast out gobs of that slimy green spit.
Reptilicus quickly slides into the water and vanishes from view. I should also note that I am pretty sure that the slimy green shit the monsters spits all over people in this movie is another aspect unique to the American version. Again, clips that I have seen of the Danish cut do not feature this component.
Grayson hops down from his tank and walks over to where the others are standing. Professor Martens says that Reptilicus has returned to the sea like a wounded whale. To return to some place, you would have to have been there at least once before. This is its first time in the water. Oh, wait My bad. And as for that second part…returning to the sea like a wounded whale? Where the hell else is a wounded whale going to go? A burn treatment center in the Hollywood hills? Was it trying to break into Seaworld to score with the captive Orcas and got a Rodney King-style ass beating from the security guards?
Anyway, Captain Brandt says that maybe Reptilicus is wounded enough and that it will die now. We all know the answer to that one. She goes on to say that Reptilicus has only fled so it can recover from its wounds.
Soon, it will be back…as good as new. No, dumbass…it's gonna swap out body parts with the spares it carries around in that box stored under its wings. Now were back in the war room at HQ. Grayson, Martens and some other military Bigshots are sitting at the gaming table while the General points to a picture of a dinosaur — it looks like a brontosaurus or something similar — and says that Reptilicus is a cross between this particular extinct lizard and an amphibious reptile.
Who handed this moron a degree in paleontology? Worse yet, Professor Martens now chimes in and talks about how nature experiments now and then, and that Reptilicus may well prove to be an attempt to bridge the gap between reptile and mammal. One of the Military Bigshots says that whatever the monster is, it must be destroyed.
Grayson reminds him that first they have to locate the beast. Another Bigshot says that such a task will not be easy with Reptilicus hiding out underwater. Professor Martens chimes in again, and aside from further damaging his credibility as a scientist, says that Reptilicus is not essentially a sea creature and that it must surface from time to time to obtain oxygen.
How the hell does he know that? The last time he examined the beast in detail, it was comprised solely of a tail! I think after this fiasco is over, the authorities need to check his credentials. So now Grayson mentions some sort of underwater camera doohickey that the aquarium affixes to the bottom of boats to observe sea life. He wants to attach this equipment on a naval vessel and go looking for the monster.
Know-it-all Martens now advises them to stick to local waters. Grayson looks at the Naval Bigshot and says that they are counting on him and the Danish navy in turn to find Reptilicus for them. Way to go there, Grayson.
Pawn off responsibility on someone else in case something goes horribly wrong. There is now a few quick shots of a navy vessel cruising the seas, no doubt looking for Reptilicus. Then we turn back to Grayson sitting at a desk.
He asks Grayson if there has been any news, but the General just pounds his pencil on the desk. Svend then says that a week has passed while they have conducted their search.
Grayson suggests that the other man go home and take it easy for a while. Just what the hell is Svend still doing here? Did they think the monster was going to get trapped in a mine, thus requiring the skills of a mining engineer, or did Svend manage to get a hold of some incriminating photos of Grayson showing Brandt how to properly "load the cannon?
So Svend says that he will stay, to which Grayson calls him stubborn. In the single most unsettling moment in the film, Svend looks at Grayson and says that he is not stubborn, but rather, describes himself as "firm. Before the movie can degenerate into some weird European gay porn film, we return to the ship at sea and get several more shots of it on the hunt for Reptilicus, which includes a view of their sonar screen.
Some unknown sailor alerts the bridge that they have detected an unidentified object on the ocean bottom. The officer on duty acknowledges and then looks into his little TV screen that relays the picture from the borrowed aquarium camera.
There, big as life, is Reptilicus. Grayson gets on the line and tells him to execute "Plan A. Deep below, Reptilicus snoozes away, oblivious to it all. Several more shots of the navy at work follow. Over at the aquarium, Professor Martens is engaged in whatever work he does when not pulling theories about regenerated giant reptiles out of his ass. He hears the loud booming of the naval bombardment and is instantly up out of his chair and running for the door. Once outside he looks out to sea and sees the ship dropping its depth charges none of which have yet to disturb the sleeping Reptilicus.
Then he is off and running down the street. Hell, a phone call would save even more effort. A gleeful Grayson responds, "Of course. Connie tries to warn him of the consequences of what they are doing, but Grayson just tells her, "not now" and to stay out of it. Down at the beach Professor Martens has just arrived huffing and puffing, having run all the way from the aquarium.
There are even small children frolicking on the beach. The government knows that there is a giant reptile on the loose — one known for swallowing people whole and blowing out massive gobs of radioactive snot — and that it could return to shore at any time…yet they DO NOT close the beaches?
Martens jumps on a small boat and wants to be taken out to the navy ship. But while he is trying to convey this idea, he falls over clutching at his chest. I knew all that running was a bad idea. Meanwhile, a couple of depth charges have detonated close to Reptilicus, shaking the beast up but apparently not waking it up from its slumber, either.
In that respect, he is like my dad — capable of sleeping peacefully through nuclear war. Back at HQ, Connie is explaining to Grayson that if Reptilicus is blown to bits, they will never locate all the pieces underwater and each chunk could possibly regenerate into a complete organism.
Grayson quickly gets on the radio and orders the attack to be halted, but not before a couple last depth charges hit Reptilicus and blow off one of its legs. The Navy ship heads back to port. At HQ Svend wonders what they are supposed to do now. A badly dubbed line from Lise mentions how they cannot get the monster as long as it is underwater.
Connie says that they will just have to wait. Then Grayson moans about how he had wanted to kill Reptilicus while it was still recuperating, but now they will have to wait until it is fully regenerated and then fight the beast at a time and place of its choosing rather than theirs.
Well, cry me a river! Long about now the phone rings. Svend answers and receives the news that Professor Martens has had a heart attack and is now at the hospital. Lise is pretty shook up, so Grayson offers to take her to the hospital. They are about to leave when he changes his mind and has Connie take her, citing the fact that he has "work to do.
Or figuring out just why the hell Svend is still hanging around? How about trying not to blow the hell out of everything that moves in the ocean? At some point later, we see Grayson working at his desk, Svend sleeping at his and Connie coming through the door into HQ. She is wearing a completely new outfit, which might lead one to believe that this scene takes place at least one day after the last one. Knowing women and their predilection for traveling with entire wardrobes as well as their desire to wear it all, this could very well be an hour or two later.
She approaches Grayson and says that he should call it a day, as it is now after ten. He says that he has just finished. Then Connie mentions how he and Svend have hardly budged from this place in nearly two weeks. So now we know that at least another week has passed since " Operation Fart in the Bath.
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