I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered; and in this she manifests herself to my love, and with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits of her liking. I thank my stars I am happy.
I will be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of putting on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a postscript. Reads Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling; thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee. If you will see it, follow me. Clown No, sir, I live by the church. Clown No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the church.
VIOLA So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church. Clown You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the wrong side may be turned outward! Clown I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir. But indeed words are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.
Clown Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and words are grown so false, I am loath to prove reason with them. Clown Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible. Clown Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun, it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be as oft with your master as with my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.
Clown Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard! Is thy lady within? Clown Would not a pair of these have bred, sir? Clown The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but a beggar: Cressida was a beggar.
My lady is within, sir. Exit VIOLA This fellow is wise enough to play the fool; And to do that well craves a kind of wit: He must observe their mood on whom he jests, The quality of persons, and the time, And, like the haggard, cheque at every feather That comes before his eye.
But we are prevented. I did send, After the last enchantment you did here, A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you: Under your hard construction must I sit, To force that on you, in a shameful cunning, Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?
Have you not set mine honour at the stake And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom, Hideth my heart.
So, let me hear you speak. O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud! If one should be a prey, how much the better To fall before the lion than the wolf! Clock strikes The clock upbraids me with the waste of time. Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you: And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest, Your were is alike to reap a proper man: There lies your way, due west. Grace and good disposition Attend your ladyship! I wish it might, for now I am your fool.
Cesario, by the roses of the spring, By maidhood, honour, truth and every thing, I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride, Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide. Do not extort thy reasons from this clause, For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause, But rather reason thus with reason fetter, Love sought is good, but given unsought better. FABIAN She did show favour to the youth in your sight only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver.
You should then have accosted her; and with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should have banged the youth into dumbness. Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou write with a goose-pen, no matter: about it. I think oxen and wainropes cannot hale them together. Yond gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no Christian, that means to be saved by believing rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness.
I have dogged him, like his murderer. I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. ANTONIO I could not stay behind you: my desire, More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth; And not all love to see you, though so much As might have drawn one to a longer voyage, But jealousy what might befall your travel, Being skilless in these parts; which to a stranger, Unguided and unfriended, often prove Rough and unhospitable: my willing love, The rather by these arguments of fear, Set forth in your pursuit.
Shall we go see the reliques of this town? In the south suburbs, at the Elephant, Is best to lodge: I will bespeak our diet, Whiles you beguile the time and feed your knowledge With viewing of the town: there shall you have me.
I speak too loud. Where is Malvolio? He is, sure, possessed, madam. I sent for thee upon a sad occasion. I could be sad: this does make some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but what of that? It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand. Why dost thou smile so and kiss thy hand so oft? Exit Servant Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to.
Let some of my people have a special care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry. This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in the letter.
Why, every thing adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance—What can be said? Nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked. Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him. How do you, Malvolio? What, man! Pray God, he be not bewitched!
But see, but see. Reads Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow. He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. SIR TOBY BELCH Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.
Exit SIR TOBY BELCH Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a clodpole.
But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices. VIOLA You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man.
SIR TOBY BELCH He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that quirk.
I beseech you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return. FABIAN Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria.
Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him if I can. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy. A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man. If this young gentleman Have done offence, I take the fault on me: If you offend him, I for him defy you.
First Officer This is the man; do thy office. First Officer No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well, Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
Take him away: he knows I know him well. What will you do, now my necessity Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me Much more for what I cannot do for you Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed; But be of comfort. Second Officer Come, sir, away. Do not tempt my misery, Lest that it make me so unsound a man As to upbraid you with those kindnesses That I have done for you.
VIOLA I know of none; Nor know I you by voice or any feature: I hate ingratitude more in a man Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness, Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption Inhabits our frail blood. Second Officer Come, sir, I pray you, go. The time goes by: away! First Officer The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir. No, I do not know you; nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither.
Nothing that is so is so. Clown Vent my folly! Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my lady: shall I vent to her that thou art coming? Clown By my troth, thou hast an open hand. Are all the people mad? Clown This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be in some of your coats for two pence.
Come, my young soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on. What wouldst thou now? If thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword. Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this malapert blood from you. Be not offended, dear Cesario. Rudesby, be gone! Beshrew his soul for me, He started one poor heart of mine in thee. Or I am mad, or else this is a dream: Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep; If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!
I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a good student; but to be said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter. Clown What, ho, I say!
Clown Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic. Clown Out, hyperbolical fiend! Clown Fie, thou dishonest Satan!
I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy: sayest thou that house is dark? Clown Why it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clearstores toward the south north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction? Clown Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.
I am no more mad than you are: make the trial of it in any constant question. Clown What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl? Clown What thinkest thou of his opinion? Clown Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well. Clown Nay, I am for all waters. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offence with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot.
Come by and by to my chamber. Clown My lady is unkind, perdy. Clown Alas, why is she so? Clown Master Malvolio? Clown Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits? Clown But as well? Clown Advise you what you say; the minister is here. Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! Clown Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I, sir? Merry, amen. I will, sir, I will. Clown Alas, sir, be patient.
What say you sir? I am shent for speaking to you. Good fool, some ink, paper and light; and convey what I will set down to my lady: it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? I will fetch you light and paper and ink. I could not find him at the Elephant: Yet there he was; and there I found this credit, That he did range the town to seek me out. But here the lady comes. If you mean well, Now go with me and with this holy man Into the chantry by: there, before him, And underneath that consecrated roof, Plight me the full assurance of your faith; That my most jealous and too doubtful soul May live at peace.
He shall conceal it Whiles you are willing it shall come to note, What time we will our celebration keep According to my birth. What do you say? Clown Good Master Fabian, grant me another request. Clown Do not desire to see this letter. Clown Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings. Clown Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse for my friends.
Clown No, sir, the worse. Clown Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me; now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself, and by my friends, I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for my friends and the better for my foes.
Clown By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends. Clown But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you could make it another. Clown Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it. Clown Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.
Clown Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness: but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon. First Officer Orsino, this is that Antonio That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy; And this is he that did the Tiger board, When your young nephew Titus lost his leg: Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state, In private brabble did we apprehend him.
What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies, Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear, Hast made thine enemies? But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness: Three months this youth hath tended upon me; But more of that anon.
Take him aside. Cesario, you do not keep promise with me. What shall I do? If I do feign, you witnesses above Punish my life for tainting of my love! Call forth the holy father. Cesario, husband, stay. Enter Priest O, welcome, father! Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow, That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet Where thou and I henceforth may never meet. Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear. Send one presently to Sir Toby. I had rather than forty pound I were at home. I never hurt you: You drew your sword upon me without cause; But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.
Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot? Who hath made this havoc with them? You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that I do perceive it hath offended you: Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows We made each other but so late ago.
An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian? I never had a brother; Nor can there be that deity in my nature, Of here and every where. Of charity, what kin are you to me? What countryman? He finished indeed his mortal act That day that made my sister thirteen years.
All the occurrence of my fortune since Hath been between this lady and this lord. If this be so, as yet the glass seems true, I shall have share in this most happy wreck.
How does he, sirrah? Clown Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers the madman. Clown No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox. Clown So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.
I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. Some of the techniques listed in Twelfth Night may require a sound knowledge of Hypnosis, users are advised to either leave those sections or must have a basic understanding of the subject before practicing them.
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